Each family is unique. Yours may be nuclear, blended, or you may be a single parent. Regardless of family size, race, or income, every family will have their own challenges.  Maybe you want your kids to get along better.  Perhaps you have a hard time enforcing discipline. Or maybe you would like to be able to more effectively co-parent so transitions from households are easier for everyone. Counseling can often be helpful with identifying conflicts and learning skills to improve relationships and create harmony at home.

It's common to feel that one person is at fault for family distress. Believe it or not, that is generally not the case. Each person plays a role in the family unit and each is important. Family counseling can bring to light behaviors, thoughts, and feelings of family members and discuss how they might impact the rest of the family. As you can imagine, the action of one person member can cause a chain reaction within the family.

I do my best to cater services specifically for each family based off of their needs and goals for therapy. Once you’ve had an initial consultation by phone or through email, I can better determine the optimal way to begin services. There will be at least one intake assessment for the person who is considered the “identified patient.” This is who will have a clinical record and sessions will be billed under. At times it may be necessary or additional intakes, such as if I determine that two children would benefit from individual services before or along with family therapy.

If I determine that a child is the identified patient then at least one custodial parent or legal guardian will need to be present for the intake assessment.  During the intake I explain what counseling is, what they can expect, and explain confidentiality. Most of the hour-long appointment involves me asking the child and the parent(s) questions about their current symptoms, concerning behaviors, their past, health and development, and establishing goals for therapy. Typically, I plan to have a few minutes alone with the child towards the end of the session so they can answer a few questions without a parent present. Siblings or other children in the home would not be in attendance for the intake.

If a parent is considered the identified patient, then they would be able to attend the intake alone unless they wished to have their partner join them. The child(ren) who may attend future family sessions would not participate in the intake assessment. There are many more questions than people anticipate during the intake and the more family members in the room tends to prevent the intake from getting completed during the scheduled time.

Some family sessions could include the entire family, or family members that I suggest, or there could be some individual sessions as part of the overall treatment. In some instances, I request that I work with parents first, without the children to begin making some changes. For example, if parents disagree about how to discipline or certain aspects of parenting, it may be inappropriate to discuss that in front of children. Ideally parents will be unified in how they speak to and engage with their children so getting parents on the same page before incorporating children may be the most effective.

My role as the therapist is to aide your family in accomplishing their goals. Each family member also plays a role in your home as well as the therapeutic process. I strive to maintain that the parents/guardians are the people of authority. What this means is that I am conscientious of how and when things are said to certain family members.  Children will not feel comfortable sharing freely in therapy if they view me as another parent. They also may not listen to their parents/guardians as well if they think that the therapist has the ultimate say or knows better than their parents. One thing you can avoid saying to your child(ren) during this process would be, “just wait until I tell Mrs. Stapor what you did.” This sends the subliminal message that I as the therapist have more power and say than you do as the parent.

Like with any other type of counseling, homework will also be necessary when working with families. This could include things such as practicing communication skills, further educating yourselves on a diagnosed mental health disorder, implementing a new bedtime routine, or even carving out time for quality time as a family.  I will never make clients feel bad for not completing their homework, but failure to work on things in between sessions can prevent families from improving and reaching their goals.

Common issues (but not limited to):
Anger
Blended family
Boundaries
Codependent relationships
Communication
Co-parenting
Divorce
Eating Disorders
Family conflicts
Fighting (physically or verbally)
Grief and loss
Separation anxiety
Substance use
Transitional changes (new job, having a child, getting married, etc.)
Trauma